Only 4 More Weeks

We can hardly stand it!!!!

Is Your Husband Korean? EDIT

*** some of my original wording was too harsh and not reflective of how it is in reality ***

Have you taken the class yet?  You know that one about being different?  I know what your thinking everyone is different so what's with this class? It's called Conspicuous Families.  I have to admit I was unsure why we needed to take this class almost 4 years ago when we started the mandatory training to be parents.  Seriously, I've been conspicuous all my life and my family is anything but ordinary.  Red hair, military school, love of drama, parents who grew up in southern California - talk about a recipe for different :).  After my stint in marketing I've come to believe that we're not different at all.  We all want the same things...McDonald's french fries and happiness or is it the fries that make us happy - I can't remember.

Living in greater Chicagoland has some negatives like endlessly cold winters, but I will say that NO ONE is conspicuous or at least almost no one.  While still very segregated, Chicago is diverse and full of interesting, educated, open minded, wonderful people.  In the 3 1/2 years living we lived in Chicago, I never received an openly hateful or mean comment about our "conspicuous family." I was never asked to explain my relationship to my son in detail. Noah was known as our son, not as the adopted boy the Young's are raising.

This is where I'm struggling:  I get asked 5 to 25 times a day if my husband is Korean? I know that people are just trying to figure out what a conspicuous white woman is doing with such a delightful boy who might be Korean or maybe _____.  Or maybe it's something about red heads in Korea? Next up, is "that boy" Korean? And finally, is he a bastard child? The hits just keep on coming... Again, I know most of this is lost in translation on my part and it might be delivered in a more socially appropriate way if I understood any Korean at all.  Still, "that boy" when we are clearly intimately related, and "bastard child"? Ah no - He's my SON. 

At first, I felt compelled to share openly about our amazing family and what a blessing it was to be involved intimately in Noah's life.  I wanted to share the miracle of adoption with those first few people.   But they're NOT interested in adoption.  They're not even interested in my love life.  They surely don't give a rip about Noah. Come to think of it, what are they interested in? This is where I'm stuck.  What is it the motivated people to ask?  

I have a dream that Noah will be embraced by Korea.  That people will want to love on him and share with him the Korea that they love so much.  We've found some resistance or confusion about how our family works so far. However, I'm glad that we are here and I LOVE Korea.  I have hope that we will meet friends and that Noah will make some lifelong connections to his birth country.  Until then I will just answer, "No, I'm not married to a Korean...we're just lovers on the weekends"

Home Tour - Our children's rooms

Noah really, really likes his new room.  There is a ton of room to play all sorts of interesting games.  Mostly, we end up playing cars or pirates.  His new bed is straight from IKEA and it's a great buy for less than $200.  Granted this bed will not make it to the next generation or maybe not even the next child but for now it's so fun we can hardly stand it.  

Noah is clearly no longer a toddler.  He is all boy and we love it!  He comes up with some amazing ideas and is always creating a fantastic make believe world for us to play in.  He's curious for a new language and tries out new Korean words everyday.  I only wish I knew more to teach him.  He is also open to new cultural experiences and this helps Brian and I Be Brave... like Frog and Toad.  For example, we hit the community bathing place last night.  Men and women are on separate floors.  There are several small hot tub like pools of different (all HOT except one that is ICE cold) temperatures.  Families go to the spa to bath and be together.  It was a bit overwhelming for my American mind to get naked and bath with 200 of my neighbors but Noah jumped right in.  I think he had his clothes off before I even had my shoes off.  

Less than 5 weeks until our tentative court date! Oh, we are ready for our baby girl to come home and full of anticipation for those first few months together.  Brian and I went into Myra's room a few nights ago and it took our breath away - we are going to have another child.  This thing is really going to happen.  We can hardly imagine what our new life will be like and we can't wait to find out.  Because we cannot control our court date, immigration reform or Myra's daily care, we find ourselves (mostly just me) obsessing over the details we can control.  Details like what fabric should her name be in over her sweet bed or what high chair will be the best for our family.  Serious decisions - LOL.  But isn't the SELAM banner over her best the best thing ever?  We got it at Meringue Design's on etsy.  She is an adoptive mom too and she makes some wonderful thing! 

Check out the foot print.  It is one of the best treasures we captured while in Addis.  We were not allowed to take pictures of our time together.  Noah brought his art and crafts box with for the visits so that he would have something productive to do while we held Myra or while Myra held our attention.  This little craft idea was my Mom's and I'm so glad she thought of it. What a treasure :). I feel like it is a special gift because not many families get to know their little one's at such a young age but we got to hold her, kiss her, tell her that we love her and....make some foot prints.  What an AWESOME gift!

Needless to say Myra will be dress super cute...once she is size 12 months or older.  I was not really prepared to get a referral for such a young baby.  I just expected to get a referral for an 8 or 9 month old baby and bring her home around 12 months old.  It's been fun and scary to readjust our expectations and get ready for a baby, baby to come home.  Bottles??? What bottles - we only gave Noah a bottle for 6 weeks after he came home and then it was cup only.  Baby bath?? High chair??  Diaper?? Almost too much to get a handle one.  And then there is transition to solids?? Learning to sit up?? Learning to crawl?? How ever will we handle it all?? Seriously, it is a delight beyond measure to love on this baby from afar and our joy will only increase when she is home.  We just can't wait.

And for all those who care here is what we decided to buy to help us care for her needs - 

High Chair

Bottles

Diapers

Carrier

Car Seat and then this one

Food 

Body and Hair Care

Their Other Mama

Our family's first mamas have been on my mind. Truthfully, they are taking almost all my mental capacity.  I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about them and I can't go back to sleep. 

We actively started the search for Noah's Omma in early February.  At first I was content to just let it go when CHSFS Post Adoption Services told us about ESWS's rule that Noah is not allowed to know any information or search for his birth family until he is 13 years old.  The more I thought about waiting 10 years to reach out to this vital part of our family the more discontent I became with this VERY SILLY (antiquated, bad for the child, do we still live in the 1950's or am I missing something here?) rule.   So, I reached out to G.O.A.L. to see if there is another way.  I don't know a ton about GOAL but what I do know so far is this organization REALLY believes in opening the door for Korean Adoptees around the world.  I sent one email with almost no information and a case worker got back to me within 24 hrs and was so encouraging about our situation.  So despite all the obsticale I have hope that we might know these important people someday.  Maybe someday soon.  I know it's a long, long shot but there is some hope.  

Then there is Myra's first Mama.  We met this woman in Addis at this amazing rescue house for former sex trade workers.  The house provided a safe place, food, job training and HOPE.  It was  absolutely amazing to look into the eyes of these women.  It was as if hope was a person or something more than an emotion.  Powerful.  There was this woman that just sat quietly in the corner for most of our visit.  We were oohing and aahing over their babies and toddlers towards the end of our visit and this woman left the room.  When she came back she was carrying a little bundle with a small, happy smile on her face.   It was a smile of joy that I imagine had to do with the hope that she now had and the future for this sweet baby that might not have been.  I can't get this woman out of my mind.  I keep thinking of Myra's mama and what could have been for them if someone would have reach down to pull her up.  I keep thinking about how hard it must have been to want to give her baby milk but be unable to.  To listen to Myra cry and not be able to satisfy her needs.  To love her so much to walk two days to bring her to people that could help knowing or maybe not knowing this would be the last time she would smell her, touch her, hear her cry.  I'm hopeful that we will get to meet her in May when we go to bring Myra home.  

At night I think about these first meetings.  I imagine Noah's Omma holding him and kissing his sweet face.  Maybe they will tell jokes to each other and laugh together.   Will she let me hug her?  Will I be able to communicate my love for her and her baby boy?  How do you do this? What do we take to give her?  What pictures do we bring to show her the last three years of his life?  Will Noah have her nose or eyes? Will they smell the same? Will they have the same singing voice?  

For some reason I always imagine that Myra's grandfather will be at the meeting in Hosanna. I imagine a typical Ethiopia room with no furniture.  We sit on the ground and Brian keeps getting a cramp in his leg (this happens every time we go out to eat in Korea).  Myra's Mamas, Brian and the Grandfather sitting around trying to communicate a lifetime in a few minutes. The whole process that CHS set is wonderful but very formal, and I just want to be in their home and see their normal everyday life.  I wish I could see the place Myra was born.  To touch the ground.  Then I worry about silly things like the questions we "should" ask, the pictures we need to take, the pictures we will give them.  Mostly I do the worrying because the other stuff is almost too much to process all at once.  It's an injustice that I get to be Myra's Mama. An injustice and a blessing.  See - it's just too much to think about.  

Home Tour Part Two

Our house is divided by an open living space that we use as our living room, dinning area and kitchen. When you come in the door there is a small space to remove your shoes. This area is nice because there are enough shoe closets that we each get our own.  Noah has to share with Myra but she only has 10 pairs of shoes (so far) so it's not a big sacrifice on his part. Not to mention, Noah only has one pair of shoes, but more balls, sticks, rocks and other random treasures that are not allowed inside to fill up all his extra space. Look left and right and you will see Myra's and Noah's room and bathroom.  

Keep going and your in the large, very open living space.  I like this area to be clean, free of clutter (well almost free of it), and what I like to call peaceful.  If you want to be messy - keep it in your own room, not in our (my) peaceful area.  This "rule" drives everyone a bit crazy but what can I say?  I'm a cultivator of peace :).  

I like this nook and the treasures that fill it.  The paintings are from our trip to China and they represent the four seasons.  I put the current season on top.  The bird statue is from Target but I still love it.  I like to pick a theme animal for my family members.  Brian's is a turtle.  Noah's is a monkey.  Myra's is a bird.  It's fun to see the random birds around the house and think of her sweetness. 

This side table is a once in a lifetime garage sale find.  Look closely - it's a Catholic offering table (not sure this is the proper jargon).  Love it and it only cost $15!  The warrior is responsible for guarding the perimeter.  Brian is responsible for securing the perimeter.  I'm responsible for cleaning the perimeter (don't worry I out-source).  Most expats have a cleaning lady and I was not going to be the exception to this norm.  Her name is Mrs. D and she comes every other Wednesday.   She arrives at our home early in the morning and sits at the table for 30 minutes drinking her tea.  I was curious the first time because I was not sure if she was actually going to clean.  Let me tell you this woman can clean!  Last week, she pledged the floors throughout the entire house.  Clean but oh so dangerous. Noah now falls at least three times a day.  He won't take off his shoes anymore- smart kid!

The mesbo table is our newest treasure and I have to say it's lovely.  It was pretty funny/fun carrying it back from Ethiopia (side note for those wishing for a matching mesbo - the airplane part was easy just check and go with no extra charge). We had to carry it on the train from Seoul and it rode in the front seat for the cab home from the station.  We got some interesting looks like "what are earth are you going to do with that big basket thing?"  Question no more!  I'm going to place it in the middle of my peaceful space and remember Ethiopia!  

Also note the interesting house plant.  If you have any idea what the English name of this plant is do tell.  I think it is on it's last leg and I have no idea how to help it.  

Here's the kitchen in all it's (small) glory. The pan on top of the stove is my failed attempted at making sweet rolls.  But I'm learning to love my very little oven and my family is loving all the baked goods as I learn how to use it.  There are no drawers in the entire kitchen.  I was totally confused by this and I'm still learning how to store things like silverware without drawers. The S. Koreans recycle everything even food waste so we have to save that on our counter top for evening disposal.  It's hard for me to be an A++ recycler now but again I'm learning to love it. In fact, I think I will do a whole post on recycling in Korea.  

Next up Noah's  pirate den and Myra's nursery...

Welcome to our home

Please come in!  We're so excited to show you around our new home.

Take off your shoes...

We still have some work to do, but you can enjoy a cup of tea...

while taking in the view of Apsan Mountain from our living room...

and listening to some original music by the one and only, Noah - 

Noah and I have been hard at work...

turning Army Issue into something fabulous (did I mention the major industry in Daegu is textiles...need designer fabric at rock bottom prices anyone??  

Please note: I do know that Noah looks a lot like Army Issue.  I can explain. We opted to get his hair cut on the Army base.  I asked for A LITTLE off his ears.  I guess there is only one hair cut in the Army - high and tight.

In other more important news - We received Myra's monthly growth updates this morning. She gained 1.5 lbs and grew 2 cm!  At 15 weeks, she's 8.1 lbs and 20 inches.  Praise God!!!  The road ahead is going to be long but we are making progress in the right directions.  I bought size 1 diapers yesterday just to see their smallness.  We're keeping one by our bed so we can touch it at night and think of Myra.  I cannot wait for our social report (aka new pictures) in a few short weeks.